A Soul of Windows

New and Improved.

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 10:55:02 GMT

So things are going pretty good. I'm almost at my goal weight and all without dieting. I'm about a size 10 pant size and that's down from a 15. I'm jazzed. One more month of working for my company and I can transfer anywhere I want. Dave is coming out for Samhain which is rockin, and he's going home the 2nd not the 1st. I have some fun new sexual exploits to add to my list which makes me smile. The DVD comes out November 9th. I have lots of friends and people who want me around. I'm growing spiritually more on my own then I ever did in a group. I have a fantastic boyfriend who loves me and would do anything for me, and I would do anything for him. Shyness and insecurities are a thing of the past. I have a great job which affords me the opportunities to write, do voice acting and get a full 8 hours of sleep at least every day and I don't have to deal with the public at large. My skin's clearing up and hardly any of my clothes fit, forcing me to update a very overused wardrobe. I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach, a car that runs, my responsibilities consist of paying bills on time, feeding the birds, work, and turning my paperwork in.
I don't feel like the same person I was a year ago. My Samhain wish last year was to get healthy and I feel that was accomplished. I know what I want for the upcoming year and I'm excited. This will be the first year I've been with someone and celebrated Samhain (previous years that I've dated someone I never celebrated the holiday). I'm planing out a ritual for me to do when Dave's here and this will be the first ritual I'll be doing all on my own. I know Dave'll just like to watch, which is cool. This is the first year where I haven't wanted a drastic change. I feel so happy and complete and life in general is good.

I really am back, I swear!

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 16:12:21 GMT

Okay, so this has been a while in coming. Yes, I went to New York. Yes, I'm back and have been back. Thing is, most people wouldn't be able to tell.
Going there was everything I had hoped for and then some.
I love Dave very much, and what's more . . . he loves me back and to top it all off, we seem to love each other with equal intensity. I've never been able to say that before with anyone I've ever been with.
I could go on and on about how wonderful he is and how amazing the trip was and how being home is the most painful thing I've had to endure next to living with a man I loved who didn't love me back, but no one really wants to hear all that mushy stuff, so I'll just leave you with that.
Chances are I will be moving to New York probably sometime next year once finances and a place to live is secured. We're looking at finding a place with Fossil and Scullyraptor so that'll be cool. Work transfers so that's not a problem, and both Dave and Fossil have been hired at Z-films in New York, and with HTH Studio's getting underway things are looking up in the financial department.

Other than that, life is boring and lonely, but I'm doing good.

Off To New York!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 22:40:10 GMT

Laytahs peoplez!

Off to New York. I may check in, I may not. But either way stories will be had and told.

TTFN
Nee Nee

Countdown Time !!!!!!!

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 16:21:52 GMT

So the clock has begun ticking . . . okay so it never really stopped, but now it's more meaningful.
By this time tomorrow I'll be in New York with Dave! HELL YEAH!
Sleep has eluded me for the past couple of days and my additions to the dream diary are interesting indeed. Last night was a series of doosies.
But that'll be later.

So I emptied a couple of boxes. YAY! I found almost everything I wanted to take with me to New York, except two tops (but I found decent replacements) and my phone charger. I may make another look after I've packed. I'm down to four boxes in my room now from six so that's an improvement in my opinion. Realistically I could start throwing away the parts of my desk that I can't use. That would leave room for things and all I need to do to get rid of one box is to have complete access to my closet . . . which is not so good atm, but certainly better than a couple of hours ago.

I'm so nervous now I'm nauseous, that and I haven't eaten, and there's no food in the house and my car is broke . . . so it's either pizza or Quiznoes. Subs will do me well . . . whenever they fucking open! SO HUNGRY! Though I know I'm gonna get food, take a couple of bites and be done . . . I'm just too excited.

I have plans with Val to give me a ride. She's gonna pick me up after work and we'll hang out at her house, smoke, relax, then go to my mom's house, drop of the birdchildren, print out my confirmation page and it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to the airport from my mom's house. YAY!

It seems apparent that I'm allergic to semen. It appears to be a mild case . . . just vast levels of burning . . . kinda like my vagina has been lacerated in various places and large amounts of lemon juice keeps getting swabbed on the wounds. Since I know this is not the case . . . I blame the semen. This has happened before . . . but I kinda wanted to test this theory out before the trip. I shall have to get some Benadril and see if that changes anything.

Socks are another thing I need to purchase. I am in a great need of socks . . . mainly socks for knee high leather boots, and apparently anything I want is never available in stores when I want it . . . but I know they exist . . . and I may end up with lots of boy socks.

I need to clean my room and get anything out that may go bad and attract crawling creatures or will just stank up my room in the week I'm gone. Last think I need is to come home to a proverbial black plague concentrated in my room.

My hair is still leaking purple. Not impressed, but I'm no longer staining my skin every night, but my nails have taken a good dyeing. The next color I choose will be a much redder purple as this one is far too blue. I only have one spot where the dye didn't take and of course it's by my ear where everyone can see . . . but honestly it looks okay cause it's kinda a white spot on a head that's very dark looking, my hair now looks more black than anything with a nice purpley-blue hue.

So onward with the fucked up dreams:
Last night was special, two I can remember, the third is foggy and just weird so I'll ignore that one.
First I dreamed that I woke up, sitting in my car . . . in New York. I had no idea how I got there or why I was in my previously broken car. Then Dave comes out of the house I'm parked in front of and runs to me. I find this mildly odd but I've had two dreams in which Dave’s body looks wrong. The first dream had him morbidly obese, this one was reminiscent of a pear shaped guy I knew in college, only fatter. Pretty much the only thing giving a definition between the top and bottom half of his body was a belt that was far too tight to be physically possible. This part is the only part of the dream I know to be a dream in dream because my brain keeps screaming at me that he doesn't look right. But I digress. He tells me that he's sorry that he missed me at the airport and that I should come in and get set up in the house. Now through out this dream I keep blacking out in a very Sybil like way. I know I'm doing things, but I don't remember getting from one point to the next and the next think I know I'm in a room by myself, it's dark and I know I was just sleeping. I get up in a daze and wander around this house that I don't remember entering with my hands clutching my head. I call out Dave's name and get no response and after a couple of minutes a woman comes out of a bedroom down the hall, whom I have a feeling is Dave's mother, but I don't have the correct memory to validate this. I'm scarred, since I don't know where I am and Dave's mom leads me back to my room. Next thing I know it's morning and I'm crossing the hallway and see Dave. Downstairs I hear what I assume to be Dave's dad yelling at a kid sister (all his siblings are either his age or older). He's ranting and screaming at her about a woman’s proper place and how she's got to learn to accept what she is and soon the screaming gets so loud that words can no longer be heard. I run into Dave's arms and begin to cry. I tell him that what his dad is doing is wrong and that girls need their dads. I remember tears falling down my face onto his shoulder as I say "I love my daddy." He holds me and tells me it's okay and not to worry. That's when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure Dave's ever changing shape is just my mind freaking out about meeting someone I met online for the first time. All I keep thinking about after these dreams is this Nip/Tuck episode where this girl lost all this weight to be like the picture she sent to this guy, cause his picture was so good looking and she had to get all this surgery to remove the excess skin she had only to find out that the guy who sent her the picture was just as morbidly fat as she used to be. I don't know why . . . I just do. I'm weird. I know what Dave looks like. I've seen him . . . all of him. I know what I'm getting myself into as far as body type and looks and the thing is Dave is really good looking. He's kinda built like a football player, more muscle than fat and super tall, and he's never been 6'3" in any of my dreams. He's usually barely taller than me.

The other dream was that I was in a jury room and this deranged slugboy was on trial for some sort of murder or squishing or something like that, and the questions everyone was asking were stupid and I kept trying to give a testimony and no one would listen until finally the slugboy began to get angry and everyone realized he was part robot and he grew to three times his original size and came after me and the people I was sitting next to who were all heads in jars. I woke up before anything happened.
Now that one I can blame on Futurama. No more Futurama before bed on a relatively empty stomach and a mild headache.

Okay, now that that's done, I'm off to do laundry, pack, and such, until I get to another stopping point. And soon I shall have teh Quiznos in mah tummy! HOORAY!

Laters folks,
Renee

Curses and a Pox

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 03:31:56 GMT

Broke my car. Think it's the radiator, cause it's spewing steam and leaking antifreeze. At least it'll be a cheep repair.
About a day left and I'll be in New York!
WooooooooooHoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish it was now.
Ran out of pot, and got a rip roaring headache that decided to stay until I caved and took some medicine. It's still there after 4 advil. This is why I don't want to take pills anymore.

Can't work cause the car is kaput, but that means I can do laundry all day tomorrow and pack, without the worry of waking up in time to do so.
This also means there are certain items I can't get, because I have no transportation. I needed a phone charger, cause the only one I have is a car one. Wanted new eyeshadow since I went and broke the only box I had. Plus now I really need Valerie to take me to the airport, or I'm pretty much screwed.

Other than the headache, I've pretty much been bored all day. I want tomorrow to come so bad. More than that, I want Thursday to come so bad.

Also my boss is a ditz. I called him to tell him about my busted car, and I understand he needs me to work. I want to work, but my car is smoking! That is a big signal to not drive the damn thing. He wondered if my cousin could come down and take a look at it(cause they're friends and all) but it's DARK OUT. Dean couldn't see anything anyway, on top of that, it's FUCKING SMOKING! This means chances of it needing a replacement part is pretty high and all the stores are closed. My boss is a tard!

Okay, I'm good now.

Laters,
Renee

Update

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 23:51:14 GMT

So the bathroom is clean and it is now the cleanest room in the house. It took almost an entire magic eraser and a healthy dose of Lysol, but the bathroom is beautiful. I actually had to get into the tub and scrub with all my life to get the stains and rings out and even after that I had to do the tub a second time because I found a whole bunch of places I missed. I even got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floor. It was just so bad I couldn't fathom getting it clean without doing such a thing. As it was it took me a couple of hours, but it was well worth it.
It can not be said that I am not a good roommate anymore. I may be slow to unpack boxes, but I can make an ugly, gross, boy infested bathroom, clean and sparkling fresh. It was even said that it wasn't the same bathroom. I quite agree. I honestly don't think it's had a cleaning like that since the house was bought, and it pains me to think of that actual date (since I don't know what that is). The manky bathmat got washed, the towel was replaced with a fresh clean, the way too small trashcan (considering that now 6 people are using the same bathroom) was replaced with my much larger one, and there is a pile of crap outside the door waiting for it's owner to claim it and put it in it's place before I throw certain items away, and then move the remaining that can't be thrown away to a pile elsewhere.
I was rather impressed that my back didn't give out, especially because I really scrubbed with all my worth and even more so because I was on my hands and knees. My back is giving me small fits, though no more so than if I had been at work.
Every time I walk by that bathroom I smile a little.

Now that is the test of my fading depression. Not only did I clean of my own accord, but I did as good a job as I could, and certainly better than what any of the boys could do. It actually looks like a mom came in and went to town on the bathroom.

So far so good.
Now if only it was Wednesday.

TTFN,
Nee Nee

Deciding to update

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 16:20:34 GMT

Just a couple more days until I'm in New York!
I'm ridiculously excited, and it's been my major reason for the lack of updates.
Things have gone wonderfully well since the move. Granted I'm still not unpacked, but all my boxes are now downstairs and out of the way. My main reason for not fully unpacking, is that I've run out of room and am planing on selling a good portion of the junk I've accumulated. The way I see it, if I don't use it now, and haven't used it in at least a year, it's getting trashed or sold.
All the roommates are now moved in so I'm not the only girl in the house, but Nuri (bubbly black girl) is pretty cool, but I'll save my decision making for later.

I've highlighted my hair purple. It takes me back to the days of the PSA, and reading tarot, but this time my hair is exactly the way I wanted instead of what the hairdresser thought I wanted. It's really trippy since the highlights darken my hair and make it look kind of purple all over, the next color I go with may be a lighter shade of purple, but I can guarantee one thing . . . I will never ever get my hair done where I went. Hair Junky's in Parker. Not that she did a bad job, she did exactly what I asked her to do, but the hair dye . . . OH GODS THE HAIR DYE . . . she didn't wash it out all the way which stained my Wicked T-shirt around the collar a little. The next day I woke up to a stained red pj top and purple skin everywhere. So I spent about 45 minutes trying to get the color out, but the water was still purple (not intense purple, but certainly all the dye wasn't out) and every night since getting my hair done I've woken up to purple skin. This morning was purple all over my shoulders and hands. Even after washing my hair for the second time in a row the color still isn't out of my hair. I've decided to maintain the color myself via Hair Effects, though it looks like I'm gonna have to order the stupid stuff online since I can't get the exact colors I want in the stores. But it should be easier to maintain and I won't have to go into a store and pay for it on top of paying some beautician to do it, there was also a handy trick I found to keep my color longer by adding some of the dye to some conditioner and refreshing every time you condition. It looks like my best bet, since whatever hair dye is currently on my hair FUCKING SUCKS!!

I weighed myself a while back and I'm at 145lbs, which means that I've lost 23lbs without dieting. Which makes me happy, though I think I may have reached my limit as to what exercise only can do and I plan to go on the slim4life diet my mom a sister went on a while back. I understand my previous posts on the subject were none to praiseful of the gray skin that my relations wore during the diet . . . but Valerie is down to a size 3 and my mom is at a 5. Valerie has NEVER been a size 3 . . . well, maybe as a child, but never since middle school. She's always been rolly polly looking, I've been the skinny one, now it's reversed and I'm the only fat one in my immediate family and I don't like holding that particular title. The other main reason for my desire to go on this diet is because now Valerie eats mostly what she wants (which is nothing like she used to mind you) and she still looks thin. Granted I don't think I could ever get down to a size 3, I've got too much hips . . . maybe a 10 or a 7, since a 7 was my skinniest size though that may change since I developed hips my Junior year of highschool and I was a 7 prior to this. Honestly though, I'd just like to get down to a healthy weight. 120 or 125 would do since that is smack in the middle of my ideal weight range for my height. My last reason for the diet, and probably one of the stupidest is that working for HTH studios has made me overly aware of my physical appearance, I guess that's one of the downsides of voicing an animated porn star. I would rather not dissolution the public when they see me at cons and such with "Wow, what a great voice, sure is a shame that she's so fat and ugly." Dave hates that reason so I don't bring it up in his presence, but it's a reason all the same.

My goals today are to clean the bathroom, do more laundry and begin packing the stuff I want to take as I clean is, so it doesn't get lost in my still nightmare of a room. I also have to go to the bank and get some cash for Val and for my cousin Lance. Val needs money since her dog Layla ate a bunch of lamp wire and had to get a $500 surgery to get it removed and Vals live in friend bailed on her, so she's been working double shifts at The Cheesecake Factory just to make up the difference and pay rent which was due yesterday. She almost made all of it, but I payed her phone bill and she would still like 50 bucks. She says she'll pay me back before I leave for New York, so we'll see. That's definitely $130 I'd like back. Lance gets money cause I need some grass.

Plans with Dave are still unknown to me. I know he has plans, but he won't exactly tell me what he's got in mind. Granted the sex is pretty much a guarantee, so I'll at least be able to keep up my exercising while in New York. I just replace the 8 hours of work with sex (we'll see if he can last as long as he claims). Plus consistent orgasms for about a week, and you can't go wrong there. I am excited about all this. I've never been to New York, since I've never really had a reason, but now I've got one really big one.
Dave recently expressed his desire for mateship status. He's so funny, he hints at what he wants so subtly that when I finally make an attempt to verify such thoughts, he's been under that frame of mind for a while. I like this much better than the guys who've been far too quick to say "I love you" (a week was the shortest). He mentioned a while ago that he was my boyfriend. Very nonchalantly as if it were a known fact and then a couple weeks later he started bringing up couples and how we'd be a good one and stuff like that, so I finally said "So, you want to be my mate?" to which his reply was, "That's what I've wanted from the beginning."
I truly love this casual pace we're moving in, I just hope in the end we'll both get what we want.

Birds are doing good and will be staying at my Mom's house. Val will take care of them since the parental units are in Alaska for the second honeymoon. So that's one worry I won't have while in New York.

Only one day of work before the trip. Tuesday. Wish it was already over with. I'm just so nervous and excited.

So this is what excitement does to my brain:
The other day I had a dream that a whole bunch of family and friends were at this house in the middle of nowhere that my parents owned and David was being a real asshole. Not his typical assholeness, but really cruel and purposefully hurtful. So I ran up to him screaming "I hate you and I wish you would just give up and die, and I can't wait until you're dead so I can have my mother back!" All this was said while he was running into the house, when he emerged he was running at me with a rifle looking gun and began to fire wildly at me. I called out to my mother for help, trying to show her that David was in fact a twisted individual, but she was no where to be found. At this point I knew it was a dream and I took off into the sky hoping to either wake up or cause a dream change. I got shot in the legs a few times before finally waking up only to fall back to sleep into a blissfully dreamless void.

At this point that's the end of it.
Till next time,
Renee.

Looking good

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:53:18 GMT

Lots of stuff has been going on, but most importantly I'm going to New York.
By this time next week I'll be in New York!
Yay for me.

Possible updates later.

So far so good.

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 12:50:57 GMT

Been a while since a post, but I've been busy with the move and all.

I've been living in my new place for a couple of weeks. I love it here. I am having some slight problems with the unpacking process, which I'm sure is driving my roommates up the proverbial wall. I feel bad, but I've been working practically nonstop since the move. This last week I was driving back and forth between Fraiser, CO. The Safeway there was in remodel so I spent my time taking products from one side of the store and moving it to the other, and setting it up in the same pattern found in the original set. It's pretty boring and tedious, but the upside is I wasn't lonely. I've managed to befriend quite a few people, including D'anne who works with Terra's team. D'anne being bisexual also offers some interesting opportunities, especially considering that the two of us will once again be working on Terra's team for the entirety of my Nebraska stay next week. Maybe the effects of my massive weight loss will have some effect on Terra's crew, mainly because I'm tired of being ignored by everyone there and although I've had some acceptance, for the majority of my time on Terra's crew, I get ignored.

Though I must say, one of the upsides to losing weight is the reaction and treatment received from the world around me. I've been more than pleased with the reception, even to a point where I am seriously considering going on the diet my mother and sister went on to get the rest of the weight off. My mom got down to her pre baby weight, which she's been struggling for almost 23 years to return to. Valerie has gotten down to a size that I don't believe she's ever been. My mom's currently a size 4 my sister is a size 3. Those sizes are practically unheard of for me, I figure the smallest size I might possibly get down to is a 6, one size smaller than the smallest I've ever been. I came out of the gene pool with hips, my mother and sister did not. It's not as if I want to get down to a certain size, but more a certain weight. I would like very much to get down to the 120-125 range, whatever pants size that puts me in, so be it.
I'm not really sure what I weigh right now. I know I was pushing 170, now my guess would be either 130-145, but that's just a guess. I've gone from a size 15 to a size 12 in a span of a couple of months. All of this has been without dieting, and most likely due to the 8 hours of exercise I receive every day I work. It requires me to be constantly on my feet and moving around. I knew that all I needed to loose weight was exercise, but if this diet can get the rest of the weight off, then I want to do it.
Mainly because of how I'm treated and also because of how I feel. I feel healthier and coincidentally sexier. I haven't felt this sexy in a very long time and my life has become reminiscent of my sophomore year of high school, in which I spent the entirety of my social life in the company of men and enjoying the fruits of such a lifestyle.
The added fun to this is the fact that I am now a part of the furry community which offers it's own little pleasures. One of which is the fact that I'm one of the few single girls active in the Colorado fandom. Considering that females are in ridiculously short supply, I believe I've dealt with the attention (though some of it has been a little jarring) rather well. I don't want any of this to go to my head, especially considering that CrowChild's DVD is coming out soon. The scary thing in regards to that is I have already had fan mail for the voice work I've done and nothing's been officially released yet. I've even been interviewed by a random fan.
Crow is practically convinced of my future semi-stardom within the fandom, I am a little more skeptical and am determined not to expect or hope for too much. Regardless of what happens (good or bad) I refuse to let this go to my head, though I know despite my resistance, I will probably end up with a little bit of swelling to my ego, I just intend to keep it at a minimum.
My talks with Dave have been reduced to roughly every other week, though the release of the DVD is quickly approaching, so I shouldn't be too surprised. I'm more saddened by it than anything else, since the time I do get with Dave is rather precious to me. I am rather desperate to get some time with him, and with the prospects of a $1000 paycheck in the next couple of weeks, I may be able to visit him. The chances of him coming out here for a visit are more likely to happen after the release of the DVD especially at this point.
He doesn't seem to be so afraid to tell people about me, though I'm rather curious to discover what exactly he is telling people. This curiosity has been inspired by the hello's I've received from Fossil!!! and his mate on more than one occasion. Now Dave has been working with Fossil!!! for quite some time and has developed a rather interesting friendship (if what I hear from Dave is accurate). It is entirely possible that he has mentioned his love for me, but I honestly don't know for sure.
It is exceedingly hard for me at this rate to ponder over Dave's feelings for me. He assures me of it so often, I almost feel foolish even questioning it, and considering that he sends me money and other various needed items in addition to gifts, this relationship (or whatever you want to call it) has put me in a position where there is little loss to myself (other than my heart--and the price on that is rather debatable).

I will confess that I am waiting to wake up from this dream. Everything that has been happening seems all too surreal, though I will accept it either way and thoroughly enjoy myself while I can.

A rather interesting installment to the Dream Diary: It dealt with a zombi apocalypse, in which the fabric of the universe had been unraveled and doorways became portals into other worlds, existences and places. The discovery of this unraveling came when lost in a cave with my sister and we discovered a portal to the spirit world in which we came upon the ghost of Jesus and were allowed to ask him four questions. The last question is the only one I really remember. What is the best way to make it through the apocalypse? Jesus' response was "Get blazed out of your mind and under no circumstances leave your room." Of course we ended up not staying in one place and on one trip through a doorway we became lost in a never-ending series of worlds and places and the rest of the dream was spent trying to find a way back to our own world.
I will also add that the amount of sex dreams I've had has increased to a point where I'm having roughly one every other night. I will not complain. They've been more along the lines of good dreams instead of weird or creepy, so I'm perfectly content.

Oh, and one of the biggest downsides to having an active sex life is the return of urinary infections. I have decided to purchase cranberry pills as this should make the infections a thing of the past. Since the only way I've made it thus far without exploding with all of the feelings associated with a urinary infection, is getting high and laying down. I will be very happy when this is out of my system.

My next update probably won't be for at least a week, since I'll be in Nebraska until Friday.
So, till then,
Renee.

MOVED

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 03:43:02 GMT

I have moved!!!!
Things are good.
Evan sucks.
Making lots of money.
Getting laid.
Love roommates.
Loosing lots of weight.
Working lots.

Read Harry Potter. Good book. Didn't end exactly in the manner I thought, and was not at all upset by those that died. All good and predictable choices. Though I really expected more people to die in the end, but overall I was pleased.

If these big paychecks continue I suspect I shall be able to afford to visit Dave in the upcoming month.

Unpacking sucks.
Not much else.

Renee

People rolls eyes

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 12:37:25 GMT

So here's the update I promised.
Things went from ridiculously sucky to not that bad.

The sucky part came mainly from my douche of a Stepdad who decided to be pig headed and greedy by telling me the only way that I can have their spare spare room air mattress is if I pay them the $300 or so dollars up front. He has no faith that I will pay them back.
First off I'm insulted just by his insinuation alone and second, It's not as if they need the money. They bought a brand new HD flat-screen TV for their BEDROOM, and a blue ray disk play to go with it. I'm sure if I was stupid and didn't pay them, they wouldn't be that hard out for money, and third (yes there is a third), they already have a spare bedroom. They bought brand new furniture and gave the Queen bed to Valerie, who at the time already had a bed.
Yes I have a bed too, but mine is a twin and far too small for me, especially considering the active sex life I have.
David's main reason for not giving me the bed just so happens to be because of a wire cutting tool that I apparently never returned. Forget the fact that I last had use for that tool three years ago and remember returning it; because his weak senile brain can't locate it, it must therefore be my folly.
At this time I have absolutely no intention of making any effort to get the school to refund them any money. They can kiss my ass. If they're gonna be fucked up enough to make this big of a deal out of something so small in comparison, then they can go fuck themselves.

On a side note, living with Rocky and Sorin may be more fun than previously thought. Not that I gave it that much thought before, but now it seems like fun. Turns out Rocky has a thing for me. I find it interesting the number of gay and bisexual men I attract as compared to strait men. I am the epidimal bi guy magnet. It wouldn't be hard to bet that just about every guy who ends up going after me has at least fantisized about men at some point.
But apparently he had a naughty dream about me, and I'm the first girl he's had a dream like that about in maybe 6 years. What he found even more shocking was that I had no qualms about fulfulling that dream. I'm a hedonist when it comes to sex, it feels good and I like to do it, a lot. I've decided I don't mind the handle of slut, as long as people say that I'm an awesome person to be around when not having sex. For me that makes it a little more balanced. So far I've had that concensus, which is good.

Got more lines for High Tail Hall. I really love doing voice work, despite the fact that this new stuff is more sex noises, they're pretty intense sex noises and ones I may have to practice to get the sounds right.
Dave finished my con badge. It's pretty different in comparison to most con badges, but it's pretty awesome. He just had to include my breasts and wings.

Not much else goin on, and I gotta go to work now.
Laters,
Renee

FUCK!

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 01:22:55 GMT

People are assholes, my stepdad needs to die, work is stupid . . .
STABBYDOOMANDDEATHTOALL!

Things are sucky.
Updates later.
Renee

The specialness that is 4th of July week.

Sun, 08 Jul 2007 15:46:33 GMT

This week has been excedingly boring and full of the pitfalls that go along with it.
There were a few pockets of interesting, and bizarre and even good.
First our hot water was nonexistent from Monday/Tuesday to about Friday. I called them Wednesday, Thursday and then once again on Friday and finally they sent someone down and due to my Nebraska trip totaling 17 hours without sleep, I fell asleep, thereby missing Fort Fur, and the reason why our hot water was gone, but the plus side, is we now have plenty of hot water.

As I mentioned earlier I went to Nebraska on Thursday for work, I was maybe an hour away from South Dakota. Google was wrong about the estimated drive time by about an hour, and I was uber late. Also, according to the people on the crew, Google told me the long way, which added about an hour. Plus side though, I have pot now which made the trip quite fun.
Though on the trip home I decided to pull over and take a nap, but I forgot my lights were on, which left my battery dead, and I had to wait with my hood opened for someone to jump my car. Luckily it was a very cute, nicely tanned, country lookin guy maybe in his twenties that did the rescuing. Yum. So I guess Nebraska isn't so bad.

Also, I have a new place! YAY FOR ME!!! I'm moving in with Rocky and Soren down in Westminster. I called the master room and the birds get the kitchen. Woo Hoo! Also, they don't really care about the pot, the birds, the mounds of furniture or the fact that I'm a girl. It'll be roughly $400 a month, but that includes everything. The only thing outside of that I have to pay is my phone, my gas, and food. I get a few cubords for random things. We share a bathroom, but meh.
Also this limits my ability to fool around with Crow all over the house, but there is a hot tub so that should make up for it. Also I asked my mom if I could buy the air matres they have. this way I don't have to move my current bed, and I get a bigger bed, which I need. I am far too old, and too sexually active for a twin bed.

Watched Man of the Year and Grandma's Boy. Both great comedies. Grandma's Boy instills in my mind that Adam Sandler is a pothead, and Man of the Year instills the concept of our country remaining forever in shambles, or at least that nothing will ever get solved or resolved.

Another Nebraska trip today at 5. Next week is mostly day shift, with the occasional night shift.

That's all for now,
Renee.

Something newish

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 15:10:13 GMT

A lot has gone on this past week. Everything is all full of craziness.
Working days still, which isn't bad, but I miss working nights, though I really don't mind days. I like working with this particular crew, despite the fact that it's an all girl crew, it's easier than all the others I've been in, no cleaning involved and we get out relatively early. Which is only good in the fact that I'm still not used to working days and really like/need the sleep.

Did the interview . . . didn't get the job. Truth is the interview revealed that it wasn't such a big leap from what I'm doing now. At worst I'd have made $11 an hour which is all I could expect considering my experience; the job was at least interesting, but the hours would have killed me, 12 hour days, and I'm barely surviving the almost 8 hours days I'm pulling now. I really think it's the drive time I'm doing that's killing me.
I'm bummed, but I keep reminding myself that just because this job didn't pan out doesn't mean I've lost my contact who got me the interview in the first place. So if something else comes along, I can always do another interview.
Since the job prospects turned out to be shit I discovered to my utmost delight that the dead plants in my room contain a viable amount of thc. Yay! So I'm happily tokin whilst I type. I plan to get my license anyway this month so I'm not overly concerned anymore. I might as well use up the health insurance I have while I have it.

I get paid tomorrow. Yay! Though I owe Evan $40 for the electric bill. It got shut off, thankfully this will be the last time any of these problems will occur as it is my last month here. Yes moving day is vast approaching, and it is now time to decide on my new home. *sighs* I've been avoiding this for so long, but I know it must be done. The plan was to have the refund money from work, something I must bring up with my boss as I still haven't received it.

Had a relatively good furmeet. Lots cuddles from cute foxes. Finally was asked for my contact info by Ranna. It's been at least a month of petting and heavy petting and finally contact info. Yayness. He's slow, but ever so cute, and sweet, and smart. All very nice things, so I forgive him his choice of pace. He's going to AC next week so no foxes for me next weekend, unless he gets in touch with me sometime this week, which would be uber-nice.

Not much going on this week. I work Sunday night, which will be really weird, I haven't worked a Sunday in so long, and that's it, for the whole week. I guess I can put some of it to good use and look for an apartment.

This post would have gone out last night when I finished it, but scheduled maintenance said fuck you.

Nothing fun to add to my dream journal.

Till next time,
Renee

Wow, this is new, but it works!

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:01:37 GMT

So I've decided to keep a dream diary within this journal. My dreams are interesting, and the more I write down, the better I remember them. These are useful for many purposes.
So here is my first Dream Journal entry.

I had a dream that I met up with my long ago boyfriend Chris. Now I very seldom dream about him. Chris was the overly obsessive guy I dated, that when we broke up it took me roughly three hours to do so. The dream revolved much around sex. Pretty much all about sex.
So there was a bit of the dream that happened before the part that I remember first, but we must start with the part I remembered first, cause . . . well, duh.
It started with me giving him a blowjob, on a brown couch, in a house I'm not familiar with. I want to say the walls were a soft yellow, the design I can't remember. Then we were in my old house in California. Someone was having a party there. We were both there for the party, lots of friends were there, some family, but most of the friends that were there, were friends I've had in dream only, yes reacuring dream friends. Chris and I have been trying to have sex throughout this dream, but to no avail, his dad seems to be the one messing things up repeatedly (now him having a dad at all is strange since I never met his dad, and his mom was a born again lesbian with a partner). Finally he takes me upstairs, at this point it's very clear that the house we're in is his families, and he lives at home with them. We start to get undressed, but he warns me not to be too loud, as his dad will hear, and we can't lock the door, as his dad would hear that (despite the loud party going on downstairs). So I slowly begin to take off my clothes. My pants and socks are the only things that make it, when we hear someone rushing up the stairs. So I sit down and turn on the TV. Some stupid cartoon was on and I flipped through a few channels, one had Arthur, the other the Barenstien Bears. I can't remember what program I settled on, but he eventually left. So we get back to business and with Chris naked except for a shirt, and the same with me, we crawl into bed only to hear his dad come upstairs again, so we pretend we're falling asleep. This doesn't work and he begins to drag Chris out of bed saying, "I didn't throw this party to have you kids fall asleep." As he's dragging Chris, we're both trying to hide the fact that we're relatively naked and I say "Well, I've had a rough couple of weeks, I've been in Nebraska a couple of times, and I drive a lot for my job, I'm tired." He says that he doesn't care and continues to pull. So I yell out "Alright, alright, we're going." And he relents and leaves the room. I get up and get dressed and leave the room. I fly down the stairs, as I love to fly down stairs in dreams and fly through the room of people out onto the patio. I land then jump off again (now it must be said that this is the first time I've been able to land and take off again without any problems gaining height again. I usually struggle with this in dream). As I fly back into the room (I'm about couch level through this) my Aunt (my rl aunt) looks at me and says. "You know I wouldn't want to go too high, I wouldn't want to fall from so high." I told her, "I'm not that high, and I've been doing this for years, I'm just going to stay a little bit above ground, that way if I fall it won't hurt too much, but I never really fall." And I zoom off to the other room, and that's when I wake up.

I heard from Nick yesterday. It was exceptionally trippy. I thought I'd never hear from him again, as it's been over two months. I stopped hearing from him shortly after I got this new job. He wants to come over tomorrow and hang out.

Yay for getting laid! He never comes over here without us fooling around, NEVER. That and that was the impression he gave on the phone the other night.
Also at least it's an experienced lay. That's the one thing about older guys, they usually know what they're doing.
I think this is why I dreamed about Chris. Nick makes me think of Chris. Mainly looks wise, not personality. THANK GOD. If he reminded me of Chris' personality, we wouldn't be friends.
So he's gonna come over, we'll catch up, and fool around and hang out. Generally good times.
Yes, Nick is my fuck buddy. A fuck buddy whom I actually have a friendship with, so I win!

I also heard from Tony too, we're going to get together and go over a few things I've been meaning to talk with him about, and things he wants to talk to me about. I told him I'd already made plans with Nick, but truth be told Nick can come with, and chances are we would have fooled around quite a bit by the time Tony gets off of work. So I told Tony I'll do what I can. I want to meet up with Tony, so Nick can come if he wants, but I want to go.

I went and looked through my spell book yesterday and I've begun quite a nice collection of spells. Over half of which have worked. So yayness! I've decided to focus on upping that number and filling my spell book. My last spell was a wonderful success and I'm very pleased with the results, now on to more. It made me feel good to do some spell work again. My meditation is up, but not as up as I'd like. I've been doing more in various places and various times and it's been rather rewarding. Getting back into the swing of things with my spirituality has proved to be a wonderful idea, and a good step in what seems to be the right direction. I have a few more on my list that I need to try, and some I've told others I'd do for them, and I feel like I'm coming out of my spirituality funk.
I just have a few more steps to go through, but my guides seem pleased, my familiars are more active, and overall things are going very well in that department.

Laters,
Renee

Friday was . . .

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 21:38:04 GMT

Yay for the furmeet!
Twas fun. Did our usual round of TV, mainly Doctor Who, which I am enjoying quite a bit. Then we watched Muke and whoever could be coerced into playing with him, play Nintendo, yes old school Nintendo. Win Loose or Draw and a game I don't remember the title of (cause I'm a tard) but it's with little dinos that shoot bubbles and such. I may not remember the title, but the images and music shall remain with me until my death.
I love playing video games, but I suck at them so bad, and the last thing I need is the comments along the lines of "Why'd we give the controller to a girl!" and "Girls can't play right, give the controller to a guy!" Well, I'm not that bad, but I'm not amazing, so I shall be content with watching others play.
It did take me back to the days when I'd be at my friends house across the street and we'd play video games till my parents came home. It was very nostalgic for me, being around all those guys, playing video games. This is the place where I belong and it's nice to have friends.

Oh, and foxes are quite nice, as long as you stay away from the stupid ones.

Also having pierced nipples rubbed feels like indescribable bliss. BLISS I tell you! Now when I do it to myself, does it do anything? Fuck no, but someone else, now that's a whole other story. I used to think the women who could climax from having their breasts played with were nuts, I mean sure it feels good, but climax worthy? Now I may change that position. Not that it's been experienced, but there is much potential there. MUCH.

Dave is back from Alaska, and he's sick. Very sick according to the message I got when I returned home. So I have no idea when I'll get to chat with him. Oh well, I can wait. Shit, I waited over two weeks, I can wait a few more days if need be.

Also, I'm really starting to miss getting high. Mainly because my back has been making me want to die as of late, and I've been taking my meds on an almost daily basis just to numb it. Also I find it far superior to drinking, especially when alone. I can't seem to get buzzed if I drink by myself. I plan to get those x-rays done sometime this month or next month, more than likely before I move. I need my license, I hate taking pills and I want this pain to go away.

Every time someone touches my back they say with some shock that it's full of knots. Well If you had a metal rod and six screws in your back, add to the fact that I have at least three ribs out, both sides of my hips and possibly both my shoulder blades (one for sure), your back would be riddled with knots too. It's getting to a point where lying down is not quelling this pain and it can no longer be adjusted with anyones assistance (save a $40 trip to my chiropractor) or on my own.

Either I need this new job or I need my license, preferably both. I don't care which comes first but somethings got to happen.

On a side note, I've managed to keep the living room relatively clean. Evan promises to help with the kitchen and the hallway, so hopefully by the time this weekend is through, I'll have a clean house. YAY!

I need to do some laundry, rather badly.
Went to the store yesterday and bought things, half of which I need, some of which I wanted, and some that was needed desperately.
A bra was one of them.

I will say now that I HATE SHOPPING! I can never find what I want, but I get pretty close. Apparently the trend in lingerie fashion is thickly padded bras and ugly boring patterns. Now I certainly don't need a push up bra, and I don't need a bra with shape. My breasts are nicely shaped as it is. The stupid lady in the JCPenny's decided to measure me, she said I was a 38 DDD. Now I know I'm big busted, but I'm certainly not a DDD. Maybe a DD, but that's pushing it. So I humor the woman, and of course I'm swimming in the cup size, add to that, a 38 pinches.
I know I'm a 40 D, pushing a DD, but I fit quite nicely in a D.
Stupid small breasted lingerie woman. Why is it women from the itty bitty titty comity think that full figured women are twice the size they really are?
But I needed a bra so badly, I was determined to walk out of there with something, even if it was something I didn't exactly want, as long as it didn't have any padding or shape, I'd deal.
As it is the ones I have are falling apart, and I knew if I didn't walk out of that stupid store with something, the ones I did have would explode on me.
So I settled on a bland pink lacy one.
I may go to Target when I get my refund money and try again.

Other than that, I'm doin pretty good. Plan is to work on my story a little today, and fax in all my paperwork either today or tomorrow. Once my boss has all my paper work, then I'll bitch at him for not getting me my refund money.

Oh, saw The Island. Ridiculously boring. I ended up going to bed cause I couldn't wait till the end. Saw the end this morning. It's a good idea, but if it's a shotty remake I wonder if the original is worth the time.
I did have a happy giggle moment in the movie. Nelix from Voyager was one of the characters. It made me smile inside to see him out of all the makeup.
There were lots of big explosions, but that's about it.

TTFN,
Nee Nee.

Movie night

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 17:30:45 GMT

Watched Apocolypto last night. My opinion of it is made up of more negative things than good. For being about the Mayan civilization, it seemed more like stereotypical Aztec than anything else. It focused on all the negatives of those ancient American cultures and absolutely none of the positives. Very little effort was given to describe the rich culture of the Mayans only focusing on the human sacrifices of which the Mayans did but not to the extent portrayed in the film. Furthermore, human sacrifices and slaves were not gathered by rounding up random people (this felt more akin to the African slave trade as many tribes did participate in rounding up random people), the sacrifices and slaves were typically people captured during wars or ruling figures of other tribes. Also the film gave the impression that there was an extensive slave usage in building the stepped pyramids, which was more Egyptian than American.

As far as the Mayan cities went, it felt more like "What if modern United States Americans were transposed into an ancient American Culture of random/mixed origin." The only thing that gave the impression of the ancient middle American world was the use of the Mayan language and the background. Little details like the homes and luxury items were relatively accurate, but the corruption was just over the top.
The film gave little credit to the Mayans respect or even views on life and the soul.
It really felt like a Christian missionaries spin on a culture that they new very little about, which for all intent and purpose that's what Mel Gibson's role in this film was.
For being a very superstitious and religious people none of the omens were taken into account and pretty much completely ignored, which makes little to no sense.
Also the children of the raided villages were pretty much ignored, which serves no purpose, as those children would have been useful.
Plus the level of cruelty of these raiding parties was just ridiculous. Really the whole concept of it was stupid, it felt too European as far as I'm concerned.
Plus the concept of the small tribes being completely unaware of the larger cities is absurd, and what's more, to be unaware of stone buildings borders on ludicrous as the Mayans were a very architectural people, and had many cities throughout middle America. Plus mixing forest dwelling Mayans and city dwelling Mayans was really incorrect as most Mayans lived within the cities.
Also the mass graves next to crops made no sense. This is a relatively successful culture we're talking about and to put rotting corpses so close to your crops is stupid. This was too reminiscent of the Black Plague in Europe.
And ending with Christian missionaries landing with conquistadors is idiotic. Missionaries didn't travel to the Americas until there was at least some Spanish presence, and the impression was given that this was the first arrival of the white man.

So what did I like about the film? I liked the use of the Mayan language, I liked the little details (since they for the most part, were correct) like the pottery, wall paintings, elaborate usage of semiprecious stones, body piercings, clothing. The story overall was interesting, but the extent of inaccurate cruelty made it almost painful to watch.
Overall Apocolypto was crap, and was more of a Christian telling of the fall of a savage race, and little effort seemed to be given to any positive aspect of these cultures.

Toodles,
Renee

The weird dreams keep on comin!

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 07:04:02 GMT

So after work, dinner, some drinks and a nice long nap I wake up with the weirdest dream stuck in my head.
It's very Cinderella-esk. It started with me being taken care of by an aunt (not my real aunt, just someone I recognized as my aunt). She along with three siblings of mine (two brothers and a sister and not my real sister) and an uncle, continually beat me, raped me and made my life a general hell. Now, they were apparently taking care of me while my parents were away, though this is odd since I am old enough in the dream to live on my own and take care of myself. Now throughout the dream I know that the man I love who I seem to only refer to as "my prince" will come back for me and save me. It's debatable weather this man was a prince and away on such business or a rock star away on business as both descriptions came up within my mind on multiple occasions when thinking of this man.
Throughout the dream I am constantly beaten down by my family, I spend most of the dream crying and in deep dispair until finally I hear that My Prince has returned and we are going to get married as he has decided he can't live without me and wants me to travel with him so we can always be together. My parents who have returned are returning with him.
Though both my father and mother return home before him, but we'll ignore this inconsistency as it was a dream.
So my parents return home and see me disheveled. My aunt has already threatened me against telling them what has transpired over the apparent years we've been together. That is, of course one of the first things I do and spill the beans about being beaten raped and so on by this group of people. I will say that I think it was my Uncle who was doing the raping, but that part of the dream I don't remember and it may have happened only as a memory, as I just don't remember going through that in dream. The beatings yes, the tormenting yes, the insults and threats yes.
My parents handle the situation quite calmly and lock my aunt and uncle away someplace within the house. My siblings are left to roam, but they are told that I am allowed to do whatever I wish to them. I do nothing.
My rl sister Valerie is the one who brings My Prince home to me in this huge white van and as they pull around the corner I see My Prince in the passenger seat and I become overwhelmed with indescribable happiness. I dash out the door and his band piles out of the car and I can't find him and I think he's gone into the house to look for me.
In a quick moment I panic, thinking he is once again lost to me and I fall to the floor and cry. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder and hear a voice say "Don't cry my princess." and I remove my hands from my face and look into the eyes of My Prince. He's very attractive, medium length sandy blond hair (one of the features I remember best) and I throw my arms around him and kiss him deeply. He breaks the kiss for a moment to say. "I guess you missed me huh?" And I return to kissing and holding him close.
After our reunion he tells me to get my things and I dash into the house up the stairs into my room. I'm afraid for some reason that my aunt will suddenly appear and try to take all this happiness, but she does not.

The dream ends in a totally different room, very expensive with this huge plasma TV in front of me and Hillary Duff is on, with her latest video. She's naked, with full round and perky breasts (actually they look like mine only perkier) I remember this because she had pierced nipples with gold hoops through them and she was constantly rubbing her breasts throughout this song. She was covered in thick foamy bubbles and sparkley bubbles were everywhere around her. I think the title was Sticky Seed or something with Seed in the tittle and eluded to sperm.
I remember saying, "Wow, MTV sure has changed since I saw it last." and I woke up.

I think I am the queen of weird dreams.

Laters,
Nee Nee

Yummy!

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 20:44:31 GMT

Banana rum tastes like banana laffy taffy.
It tastes very nice in coke.
Yay!

Also I had a weird dream last night. Apparently I was wearing those clear plastic retainers and forgot that I'd been wearing them for about a month, which meant that I'd been brushing the retainer and not my teeth. When I took them off, my bottom teeth were covered with cavities and my back molar on my right side was rotted through.
I think this has to do with my second set of wisdom teeth coming in, since they are the impacted ones. The dentists weren't kidding when they said I had no room in my mouth. I've already had two sets of teeth removed just to make room for what was already there, now these extra wisdom teeth are coming through all cockeyed.
*curses her teeth*
Right now the pain is gone, but I suspect it will return. I may go in to get them pulled before my health insurance expires.

Laters,
Renee

What happens when I switch from night shift to day shift.

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:02:09 GMT

Some crazy stuff going on on my end.
First I've been working days all week. I feel like I'm getting screwed over on sleep, and I know I'm getting screwed on work time, but it was either work days or nothing, so I'll suffer with days.

The one nice thing about working days is that when I get off of work, stores are open and since I've been down in Denver all week I decided to stop by Herbs and Arts for some desperately needed pagan supply stocking. Got a few herbs and some salt peter. Yay for sparkley incense! Also I got an oil blend made for my fursona. Granted I also wanted to get it made for meditation purposes and my spirit guide, but I wear the oils from Herbs and Arts more than perfume nowadays so it was a twofer concept.

While there I had a wonderful conversation with the owner. While he was measuring my herbs we got to talking about the pagan community and I gave him the gist of my experiences and he said that he felt the pagan community in general had a tendency to be overly cliquish and ridiculously superstitions almost rivaling that of Christianity. His travels have taken him to many places and taught him many things, but he feels that the way modern pagans behave leaves much to be desired, and the only way one can function within such a world is as soon as you find yourself excommunicated, you must pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
I wholeheartedly agree with him, but it does make me wonder about the future. I would like to either start or join another pagan group once I move. My fear is if I join another group, I would be cast aside like I was in the others, and if I start my own, I wonder if I could prevent what happened to me from happening to others. I fear that no matter what I do, people will be forced to leave, either myself or someone else. If I start my own group, would I be able to prevent the ridiculous gossip and clique like behavior? The thought deeply effects me as I have yet to see this being done. None of the groups I've been in have been able to stop the cliques from forming, or prevent the excommunication of scapegoat members.
I myself am guilty of listening to rumors and even feeding them on occasion. It seems like an inherent part of human nature to gossip and in the past I've had problems with putting my opinions forward to stop them.
The group at CSU was a clique before I got there and it just spiraled out of control. The Fort Collins group is a clique and I saw it forming, but did nothing as I didn't feel that it was my place to say anything. Would I be able to prevent a clique forming if I started my own group? I don't know if I could. It's hard, since the cliques were formed in the first place because of people hanging out after meetings. I don't want to stop that, since half the fun of a pagan group, is doing stuff outside of regular meetings. So what am I left with? Is it even possible to have a group that keeps the cliquish behavior and rumors to a minimum? It is a puzzle I must muddle over for a while.

Dave has been on his Alaska trip since my birthday. I know he's having fun, but I miss him and I really would love to chat with him again. His phone reception is non existent and his internet connection has been sporadic at best. The only time I've heard from him was in the middle of work and I had to let him go. Of course he only had reception for that minute amount of time, so I missed him. I'm also kind of excited about his return, because he's bought me presents, both for my birthday and apparently on the Alaska trip. The fact that he spoils me is still a head rush. He's sent me money on multiple occasions, bought me gifts and done artwork for me free of charge. It's so strange to have someone shower me with praise and presents when we've only seen each other through the massive network of tubes we call the intraweb. I'm not complaining, I'm just not used to it. It's been a very long time since someone treated me in such a lovely way.

Evan and I finally got most of the house cleaned. The floor is vacuumed and I got the vast majority of the carpet stains out. The only ones I've struggled with are the colored stains. If it was black, grey or brown, they are now practically non existent. Now my goal is to get the rest of the stains out. I'm certain it can be done, but either way I plan to make a concerted effort. Evan's still screwing around as far as the kitchen is concerned, but he's helping and that's half the battle.

Evan did finally connect the external hard drive he's been meaning to do for a month or so. So to celebrate I've downloaded four movies. Two of which I've been able to see.

First was Marie Antoinette with Kirsten Dunst. It was good, but not the best film I've ever seen. It incorporated fact and legend without being too over the top. The costumes were wonderful and the story was very interesting and made me dabble in some studies on the French Monarchy. I probably won't save it though.
The other was Lady in the Water by M. Night. Now I know it has gotten some crappy reviews, but I really enjoyed the movie. It was a very interesting fairy tale and I'm a sucker for most fairy tales. It was a surprise to have M. Night in a bigger role than his typical cameo, and the overall fairy tale was very vague, but I enjoyed it. I loved how the critic died in the end. I hate critics, I think it's a waste of time profession. I'd rather make up my own mind about a book or movie, or anything else for that matter. I seldom agree with critics anyway. Overall I liked the movie, and wouldn't mind owning it, but for now I'll just save it to my hard drive.

I have a paw print shaped bruise on my upper thigh. I have no idea where it came from. Just thought it was worth the note.

Had a fucked up dream the night I bought the oil for my spirit guide/fursona. I only remember the first part.
First it was about this little tiny frog that had fallen in love with me. He showered me with praise and followed me around with his army of other little frogs. I was more attached to him as a pet, since my brain recognized that a relationship between a frog and myself was not feasible. Also to let you know that my brain was coherent I called him Hopkin Green Frog and I knew it was a joke name. During this dream I discovered that Evan had a girlfriend (something I wasn't in the least hurt over). Now I'll say early on that his girlfriend looked like Tony's current one and I didn't like her (and I kinda don't like Tony's current girlfriend either). She was possessive, controlling and completely loony. Evan and I weren't roommates, but we lived in identical apartments across from one another. We both had keys to each others apartments. I went into his apartment for something and she discovered me there. She went into a rage and began to attack me and the army of little frogs. We began to beat the shit out of each other and during the scuffle Hopkin Green Frog disappeared. After I had subdued Evan's girlfriend I began to look for my frog admirer. I spent a good portion of the dream looking for the frog, calling out his name (which made me giggle at the reference in dream). The other half of the dream I lost when I woke up.
Yes my brain is weird, moving on.

The necklace that my lovebird Benu's legband was on broke. I feel naked without it. It broke the day after I went to Herbs and Arts. I was planning on going back to get some more cord, but I realized today that I can probably buy an entire coil of it and that way if it breaks again, I can just cut off some more.

Now that I've mentioned it, the bruise, weird dream and my necklace breaking all occurred after my trip to Herbs and Arts. Odd.

Well now I'm getting sleepy, and I've got to snag all the sleep I can muster.

Toodles,
Nee Nee.

Blah.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 17:26:52 GMT

Yesterday was supposed to be spent cleaning our pigsty of a house. Sadly due to Evans need for rides I barely got any sleep whatsoever by the time he came home from work at about 2pm.
Every time I have a 3+ hour work trip it takes me a few days to recover and as it was I slept until 6pm then got tired again around 1am.

I woke up early at around 7am and headed to my computer to play before Evan woke up and we could start cleaning.
Turns out he made (spur of the moment) plans to be down in Highlands Ranch till 4pm.
I told him that we will clean the house when he gets home.
He didn't argue.

So I've been wandering around the intraweb and transferring some of my story to the computer. The transferring process is always a pain, but my deep desire to finish my story is becoming almost overwhelming. I want to finish it, I want to post it, and I want people to read it.

Today is overall a very boring day, and when Evan gets home I don't see it getting all that better, only because I can see us fighting over what is supposed to be cleaned and by who.
Hopefully this does not occur.

Laters,
Nee Nee

Just a little tidbit.

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 08:23:35 GMT

Fut meets are multiple levels of funness. Every time I go I have such a wonderful time. One thing that can be said about furs is they love to cuddle, and when you've been itching for a good cuddle they sure do help. I feel like I hadn't gone in months, though I know I was there just last week.
It's not like I was in a particularly bad mood or anything either, but I didn't realize how much I needed someone to touch me, and cuddle me, and hold me until someone actually did.
I had spent some time with Dino a while back, but it wasn't exactly what I was looking for considering his extremely submissive personality. Subs really aren't where my tastes lie. I think I've been worn out on them. I haven't been around a good dom in a long time. That and he ignored me and I fell asleep. I almost forgot for a while that he tended to do that.

I know it's not much of an update, but I wanted to add something.

Laters,
Renee.

Sorry for taking so long.

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 14:22:41 GMT

So yes it's been about three or so weeks since my last update.
But when you hear about how those three weeks have transpired then you shall surely understand.

First I was in Nebraska for work.
Nebraska is and always will be special. Every time I go there I see weird animals. First time I saw a porcupine, second trip I saw camels, pronghorn and buffalo, third trip I saw a possum. Granted the porcupine and the possum were dead, but they were very much intact (which was the only way I could have identified them).
While in Nebraska I got chatted up at a McDonald’s by a self proclaimed chicken hunter (yes he called himself a chicken hunter).

Once home from Nebraska Evan informs me of his desire to go to the Rocky Mountain Fur Con, which I did want to go to, but didn't really know if I had the money for or know if we were actually going to do it.
So that weekend was spent in Denver wit the furs.

It was an awesome con, considering that it was both of our firsts, it was pretty good, and pleasantly lacking in creepy deviants, so I was happy.
I bought my first piece of furry art. From Dark Natasha. I love her art. If I get an opportunity I will definitely buy more.
Not only did I meet some awesome furry artists, but met up with some Therians too.
I even convinced Dave to sell some of his art at the con next year, and I'm hoping that since he's friends with Fossil (and a few other rather well known furry artists) I might get some big name artists at the con.
Anything I can do to help The Rocky Mountain Fur Con grow and thrive I will do.
For the first one it was pretty good, over 200 showed up and we even got furs from Europe. So next year looks promising.

Got my nipples pierced the Thursday before the con. It was without a doubt a special experience. I show up and there's a crowed. Not to watch, but there with friends and to hang out.
I screamed so loud with the second piercing I made my tattoo artist blush.
After I went, three other people decided to get their nipples pierced to, including my tattoo artist. It was sort of surreal to be the cause of a room full of guys to want to get their nipples pierced.
I will say the pain was unbelievable, but the adrenaline rush afterwards was practically euphoric. Makes me a little excited about getting my tattoos (which are still being drawn up).

The next weekend was my birthday. As birthdays go it was pretty uneventful, considering that hardly anyone knew about it and the bulk of my friends were in Denver and totally spent from the furcon. My presents consisted of a haircut which my mom paid for and $20 from my grandma which I used to take myself out to dinner. Tried to find a dress for the dinner, but I discovered that even though I've lost weight, none of that weight was in my chest as the dresses fit quite nicely everywhere but my Bahama-mama titties.
Thankfully I was able to snag Evan for the event, though it really wasn't worth all the fuss I made, as neither one of us had all that great of a time. Dinner was iffy; I've had better. Didn't get nearly as drunk as I wanted to, but I did get sung to by the restaurant, which has never happened before.

This past week I was in Nebraska once again.

The hotel screwed up my reservations and only had a room for me for one night and thought that a late arrival meant a little past midnight, not 6am when I get off of work like I told them.
It was a creepy hotel anyway as it was littered with Jesus freak paraphernalia. The owners were kinda evil to me too, I really think they thought I was out to screw them over, but I feel okay about it considering I masturbated in their Jesus freak hotel. Sullied up their perfect room. Not like they'll ever know, but I feel better either way.
On top of them having my reservations wrong, there was a church thing going on and all the hotels were full. The corporate lodging people spent about 4 hours trying to find me a room, which they did and I took my but outta that freak fest of a hotel as soon as I woke up.
I swear I'm never staying there ever again!
Also I didn't get lost on this particular Nebraska trip, granted I didn't have all of the directions to the first store, but I figured it out considering I'd been there once before.

I've had work homework due for quite some time and I finally finished. Apparently work wasn't getting any of my sign off sheets. Now I know I haven't been sending them all in exactly on time, but he got only a small portion of the ones from April. Now had he informed me of this a month ago, I wouldn't have had to spend any time getting everything together.
On top of this, work hasn't been paying me for my drive time or my hotel stays. They owe me around $600. I'm waiting for paperwork to sign so I can get my money. This is why I'm broke, they haven't been paying me everything.

On top of all this I'm trying to get a new and better job, one that not only looks very promising, but is also more of a career opportunity than my current job. More info when I feel like divulging.

Now I've returned and after three weeks of business I can finally take some time for me.
I've been neglecting my meditation a little and I have some spells that I've been meaning to put into use for some time now.
My therian half has been bugging me for a bit of release and I'd love to take her out to play, it's just finding an appropriate place and time that's difficult, for now she'll just have to be satisfied with astral play.

Overall my health has greatly improved. The depression, though it still worries me on occasion, I feel that with every day I over come it a little bit more. I haven't been suicidal in months. I've lost quite a bit of weight as I've mentioned all thanks to work. This has also lead me to discover that it really is my lack of exercise that has kept me from a more comfortable weight, since I really do eat fairly healthy. All the work has also improved my sleeping.
I've been off pot for about a month, primarily for precautionary purposes for the new job. I don't think they'll drug test me, but you never know. Plus this job would aid in me getting my medicinal license. I don't want to take all these pills for the pain. It's far too unnerving. As it is, I've been taking at least two Aspirin/Tylenol every other day or so for work/back related pain.

Chapter VI of my story is done, Chapter VII in the works.

Voice acting is at a standstill as Dave is on vacation in Alaska and he's been working 14 hour days for about a month, but I have made some lovely suggestions that Dave has flipped over. He's also made me a con badge and I'm itching to see the finished product and actually have something in my hands that he's worked on.
He even bought me presents for my birthday, what's more, he REMEMBERED my birthday and even got the day right! I'll probably get them when he gets back from Alaska as he's in the process of buying me things on his trip.

I'm looking forward to moving. It seems almost idiotic to stay in a town where I don't feel wanted. The bulk of people who claimed to be my friends have all left me based on unfounded rumors. It's fairly obvious that no one believes me capable of what they claim considering if anyone actually believed me to be that powerful, I doubt they would try to fuck with me.
I don't claim to have any power. Yes I can do things, but I've never gone out to hurt anyone. It seems like there are only two people who know this: Evan and Kim. Kim does since she's known me since I started my journey in paganism, and watched me make those rooky mistakes and learn from them. Evan does since we live together and has seen first hand what I've gone through both mentally and physically.
Yeah I'll admit I've done some dumb things, but who hasn't, but people just don't think some of these crazy rumors through.
I guess it really is true that people will believe anything out of either fear or necessity.
It's just sad that a few hurtful people can fuck everything up with a little bit of effort.
Though I guess this has taught me a little more about friendship.
I do find it humorous that no one even bothers to come to me with anything anymore. I guess it's easier to believe lies than actually talk to me.
I really don't think I'm that hard to talk to, but if I have given anyone that impression, it was never my intention, but then again those who truly know me, should know that. Both Kim and Evan have said some very hurtful things, but they've said it with love, hoping I'll learn from what they have to tell me.
At least they know that they need to tell me things so I can fix them, instead of bitching about it behind my back and getting angry that I'm not fixing anything.
But I guess it all comes down to the simple fact that if people want to be stupid and cut me out of their lives without a single word to me, what point is there for me to try to fix things. They obviously don't want to fix it, so why should I put forth the effort, if it's only to be one sided.
At least I can say that Tony saw through all the bullshit and actually had the common sense to talk to me. He may be weird, but I must give credit where credit is due.

K rant done, moving on.

Even though my meditation has been a little lax, I have been working on Auras, light telepathy (mainly with tree's and animals, I can't really help what I pick up from some people--some people have very loud voices, and I can't drown them out), I've done a bit of emotional energy work, but not nearly as much as I would like, though this weekend I really want to take a little spiritual breather. Astral travel is still an every other night project, and my shifting work is still a step by step process.
I've also acquired some new familiars and a new guide and I've started to discover my totem, or at least come to terms with what my totem is, since in the past I've really struggled with it, as it's very different from my Therian form and astral self, but it really does make sense the more I read into it.
I guess study sure does reveal a lot.

Monkey is slowly coming along, though I seem to have misplaced the book. I suspect it is hiding in my car. Hopefully I'll find it soon as I'd really love to finish it.
I'd really like to start knocking off a book every two weeks. I'm realistic, I know setting a goal of a book a week isn't going to happen, what with all the driving I do every week.

Birds are good, cages are dirty, but birds are good.

Kitchen hasn't been cleaned in about a month. I told Evan to pick a day and we're gonna clean the house. After some very intense nagging he decided on Saturday. He seems to think that it is impossible to plan ahead considering the inability to predict exact future events. I think he just wants to get out of any sort of chore that could possibly be assigned, but he does seem to do this often. It's an Evan oddity I'll probably never understand.

My relationship with Dave has become rather intense. I'm enjoying it, but it's highly unexpected. He still plans to come out around the end of July, beginning of August. I'm more than excited. It's crazy how he can lavish me with compliments and gifts and we've never been physically near one another. Thanks to the web cam and microphone we have some rather lovely and even intense conversations. It's like being with someone, through plate glass. You can see and hear, but you can't touch. It really has been wonderful, even though we can't touch one another. It's odd, but very true.

I've downloaded a few movies:
Over the Hedge: Good, totally worth the few hours it took. Cute movie.
Shrek the Third: Stupid, total waste, glad I didn't waste the money to see it in the theater.
Blood and Chocolate: Fucking AMAZING! I hear the graphic novel was crap, but I really liked the movie. They did a lovely job romanticizing the werewolf. They did it with vampires, it was about time they did so with werewolves. It had a very therian feel to it and although I didn't agree with everything in the movie, and there were some points where I struggled with whether I was supposed to be rooting for the werewolves or the humans, it was still a worthwhile download and I'm sorry I missed it in theaters.

So now we come to the end of my three week absence.
I hope such a delay won't happen again and I shall strive to keep this more up to date as to cut down on the crazy long posts.

My thanks, love and good wishes go out to those who still want to be a part of my life, and I hope I can do what I can to be the good friend that you all deserve.

Toodles,
Renee.

It started with one . . . and now see what happened!

Sat, 26 May 2007 18:27:02 GMT

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful
But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself
You're the perfect blend of independent and caring
You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

Your Love Life is Like The Princess Bride

"Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind."

For you, love is like a fairy tale - albeit a fairly twisted one.
You believe romance is all about loyalty, fate, and a good big of goofy fun.

Your love style: Idealistic yet quirky

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Perfectly romantic

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

You Are 49% Addicted to the Internet

You're somewhat addicted to the internet - but who isn't?
You can keep it under check, and you're by no means a hermit.

Are You Addicted to the Internet?

You are a Great Girlfriend

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

You Can Make 66% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.
Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!
As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

Can You Make Anyone Fall in Love With You?

You Are 75% Non Conformist

You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands.
And while some may call you a freak, you're happy with who you are.

Are You a Nonconformist?

You Are 79% Sexy

Your Sex Appeal Is: Extremely High

You're very sexy. You just have that certain something that takes over a room.
You know how to attract, entice, and keep whoever you want. You are truly appealing.

How Much Sex Appeal Do You Have?

Your Life is Rated NC-17

You're life is so nasty, so naughty... it can't even be explained in polite company.

What is Your Life Rated?

You Are 56% Misanthropic

You're somewhat misanthropic, but you're not willing to write off the human race (yet!).
There's a few people you like, and even them you like at a distance.

How Misanthropic Are You?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

My own little world

Thu, 24 May 2007 02:14:07 GMT

Work was good last night.
I was in Wyoming.
Tara's crew is finally starting to speak to me. It's wonderful. Granted it doesn't take away from how odd most of them are, but I think it's a good thing when a chunk of the crew says goodbye to you when you leave especially when they didn't before.
Everyone around me kept talking to me while I worked, granted it was just a few comments and such, but it was still nice and definitely an improvement.

The semi-depressed, black-haired, sarcastic guy, who's name I still can't remember--I really need to find a way to learn peoples names better--made an odd comment to which I had an even odder reply. The two girls I work with (also with no names) apparently touched each other, I believe it was an ass grabbing situation (the blond is rather funky looking, though the chunky brunette is kinda cute), and he made a comment that girls are gross and when girls grope each other it's just wrong. My comment I kept in my head as I've decided it's only an acceptable statement around certain groups of people, but my comment was: Yes, gay sex is hot.
I think I'm spending too much time with furries as this is definitely not an appropriate comment for work, though I don't really think the conversation in general is work pc, but . . . *shrugs* I kept the thought to myself either way.

I look upon Evan's car as both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I no longer have to take Evan to work and can sleep as needed when I get home. A curse because I haven't seen him since he brought it home. I hope this isn't a permanent thing, because I miss hanging out with him. I mean, he gets up for work after I've gone to bed and comes home after I leave for work. I never see him. I'll give it a week. If I don't get a chance to hang out with him by Monday, I guess I'll have to resort to writing a letter and taping it to his computer screen--he should see that. I did manage to ask him about my birthday. At least I did so as far as I'm aware. I sort of woke up when he was getting ready for work, so I could have dreamed the conversation, but I'm pretty sure I asked him.

I work in Windsor tonight, across from Tony's King Soopers.
I still find that although I loathe going to work, I really love my job. I'm just getting concerned about the money situation, I'm starting to doubt weather I actually can live alone as my $800 paycheck was a slightly under $700 one. I'm just worried in general about paying for everything. I really need to get an apartment for $400-$500. $600 I just can't do, not alone. I really wish Dave would change his mind and move out here, not just for the financial aspect, but because I know it would make me truly happy.
I've got to change the subject before I get really sad.

I slept most of the day away. I tried to get up a few times, but my mind was on daydreaming and I kept falling asleep.

My bills situation is starting to cause me some worry.

Damn, this started out as a happy Journal post, now it's kinda sucky. Now I'm all stressed and worried.
Yerg.
Well, I've got a burger to cook still as my tummy demands sustenance, so maybe that will lighten the mood.

Take care,
Renee